Wanna 2 Sex

I was 14, tap dancing in a magenta, crushed-velvet turtleneck bodysuit at a studio on Long Island. One of my fellow tappers, a well-developed woman of 16, raised her eyebrows, impressed, as if to say, "You go, girl!" After class, she cracked, in the nicest way possible, that I should probably start wearing a bra to practice. (Though I'd been wearing cotton, clasp-front 32A Jockeys from the J.C. Penney junior's department to school, they were purely ceremonial.) Apparently, I'd sprouted respectable, medium-size boobs over the summer—and they'd been flapping around during Time Step Two!

My cup literally ran over. As a late bloomer, I'd been waiting for my boobs since I tore through the Judy Blume canon at age 11. Dear God, I don't really care about the period, but where are the hell is my rack? Breasts were a harbinger of womanhood, or at the very least teenhood. They were a sign that I'd one day shed my braces and bad "Rachel" haircut and graduate to my own phone line (never happened), a Sweet 16 at a neon-lit catering hall (definitely happened), and a social calendar stocked with dates. So when my knockers showed themselves in earnest that summer before ninth grade, I welcomed them with open arms and jazz hands.

But now, at 33, I'm once again left wondering where the hell my boobs are.

Some time in the 18 months since having my daughter, it came to my attention that my ample décolletage had gone missing. Once respectable 34Cs — a size seemingly always referred to as a "handful" — they'd shrunk from bonafide breasts to teeny titties. They could still be considered a handful … if that hand belongs to newborn baby.

Flashing my mom after getting out of the shower (as one does), I stated the obvious: "My boobs disappeared." When I lay down, I added, my chest was as flat as a tween boy's. "Oh my god," she said with a special brand of motherly pity/amusement. "Where did they go?"

It was a great question and a total mystery. I half expected the screeching CSI: Miami theme to crash through my apartment, and David Caruso to materialize, raise his sunglasses, and purr, "Looks like your boobs got the breast of you."

I thought having a baby was supposed to make your chest bigger — and it had, initially. In fact, one of my inagural pregnancy-induced body changes was busting out of my sports bras during my first trimester. While breastfeeding my daughter for about 10 weeks (I was shooting for 12, but after reading online that Beyoncé, a goddess among humans, did it for 10, I let myself off the hook), the size of my boobs once shocked my best friend — even through a baggy sweater. Through the delusion of sleep deprivation, having bigger bazongas felt like a bright spot.

But pregnancy giveth boobs, and pregnancy can taketh away. Weight gain and increased estrogen in your body can up your cup size during pregnancy, Alyssa Dweck, M.D., ob-gyn and author of V is for Vagina, told me via email. "Engorgement from milk letdown is most exaggerated as your brain/breasts/baby figure out how much milk to make," she says. But losing the baby weight (in my case, while screaming, "Are you fucking serious?" at Tracy Anderson's punishing postpartum videos) can also mean losing boobage.

More significantly, "the skin of your breasts had been so stretched out during pregnancy and with nursing," she says, "that some of the elasticity is lost." This, Dweck explains, can create the "drooping" that makes breasts appear smaller. Luckily, because my ladies were never that big in the first place, it's not like they're now hanging at my waist. But it feels like a cruel twist that a year of bigger boobs came at price of smaller, more pancake-like ones now.

The irony isn't lost on me that as a teenager I saw breasts as pillowy symbols of womanhood, but now that I am an adult woman, a wife and mom, and an employed person, I am once again unbestowed. It's a friendly reminder to my 14-year-old self that boobs do not a woman make. I'm not going to beat myself up over my relative flatness this time around, listening to Tori Amos CDs and writing bad poetry like I did in junior high. I'm not especially happy that the boobs I once longed for have abandoned me. I liked them. We'd coexisted happily for decades. They'd always been there for me — especially in my 20s when I dug a low-cut, bodycon LBD.

That said, it's also not lost on me that my boobs helped keep my daughter alive for almost three months, which is a pretty impressive feat. It's a fact that heartens me when I am looking at my chest in the mirror, shaking my head, and asking aloud, "Are you guys ghosting me?"

Source: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a44286/missing-boobs/

If you're reading this right now, you've probably had a moment when you were hooking up with a guy and thought, "God it would be so great if he pulled my hair right now," but it feels so weird to ask someone that — not to mention it can seem legitimately scary to ask someone to be a little rougher with you, but not so rough you end up in your own Law & Order: SVU episode. But just because it seems scary and weird doesn't make it impossible to do. 

Asking for rougher sex really does just boil down to having an actual Grown Ups Using Potentially Formal-Sounding Words discussion with your partner. It's not as simple as just saying, "Be rougher!" because that could mean 40 different things and odds are, you'll only want it to mean a very specific 10 things. Here's how to do that. 

1. Tell him you want to be tied up and spanked, no more, no less. ​I can't stress enough the importance of having a pre-sex conversation about your own limits and making sure that he understands them — and I mean really, really understands them, not just "gets the gist". You can even have him repeat them back to you to make sure you're not playing a game of sexy telephone (Cut to: You whisper "light bondage" in his ear and somehow next thing you know you're in a sex swing with a whip like, "Not this at all! Nope! Noooope!") or just walk him through it. So when you say, "I want you to tie my wrists above my head and then fuck me," get out the tie and tell him when it's tight enough but not too tight and then get into the position you want him to fuck you in. Which brings me to... ​

2. BYOP (Bring your own props). If you want him to blindfold you and then he's like, "Yeah sure! Where's the blindfold?" and you're like, "Oh, uh, I don't have one because I was too busy thinking of a way to ask you to blindfold me without sounding like I was asking for a whole Fifty Shades scenario because I really just want to start there. At any rate, I didn't pick one up," that'll put a pause on that right quick. Even if it's just a t-shirt or a scarf, have it by the bed so when you ask and he says yes, you can go for it. (And back to the Fifty Shades thing, if you're at his place, a tie makes a real nice blindfold or wrist binder.)

3. If you don't know where to start: hair-pulling, spanking, wrist-tying, and blindfolding are popular ones.​ Ask him to tie your wrists above your head and do you missionary style (or he can just hold your hands up there with his hands). Or tie something soft over your eyes and then go down on you. Or pull your hair back during doggy style. Or spank you as foreplay. All very hot options.

4. Don't be afraid to say "Oh hell no" when he's gone too damn far. If once you get into it you realize "eh, spanking isn't for me" or "ow, too hard! what the hell, David?" you need to feel comfortable saying, "back off, bro." Seriously, do not engage in even the slightest amount of rough sex play if you feel like you can't communicate your needs with him. Do it with someone you already know respects your boundaries (also if he doesn't respect your boundaries kindly show him the door and blast him on the Internet for real because that guy shouldn't be having sex with anyone ever for life.) 

5. Or say "Actually, that was barely spanking. My butt is not a flimsy water balloon that will pop if mishandled. Seriously, spank me." The average guy who cares about you is probably going to start pretty light when you ask him to be rougher with you because he doesn't want to hurt you. So if you're not getting what you want, let him know, "You can actually do it a little bit harder" or "You can pull my hair even more and that'd be great" because he has no way of knowing. Once he does, believe me, shit will get real in the best way. 

6. You'll know when it's right because you'll probably get off crazy fast. After 5 minutes of doggy style with too-soft spanks, he'll finally give you a perfect, sharp spank and you'll remember why you wanted to try this in the first place. Once you re-coagulate from the puddle you melted into on the floor, you can try it again and this time he'll know exactly what you mean when you say "hard, but not like full-slap hard."

7. Be prepared to spank him right back. By bringing up getting rougher in bed, you're not just inviting him to spank you a little, you're opening up the sexual conversation. Which is honestly the best thing you'll ever do for your sex life, but can also be kind of intimidating. Be ready for him to ask for a little bondage, too, and be open to it. Who knows, you might end up liking being the Queen of Bed (aka the domme).

8. Remember that there is not a kinky sex tutor who will be grading you on your kinky sex performance. Everything I just said is great and all but don't be too concerned about doing things "the right way" because you'll find it as you go. If the first time he spanks you it feels like he's pressing his thumbs in bread dough and you want to laugh, laugh. If the first time he puts handcuffs on you, they get stuck and won't close all the way, no big deal. It won't be perfect but if nothing else, it's a great way to work on your ability ask for what you want. To conclude: you're never going to get that crazy sex-all-over-the-place complete with hair pulling and ass slapping unless you specifically ask. (And seriously bring cute props. T-shirts are cool, but a leather blindfold that makes you feel like Catwoman is cooler.) 

Source: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a44239/a-beginners-guide-to-rough-sex/

1. You're doing something you saw in a movie that in fact is very uncomfortable. Yeah, it looked good in that rerun of Gossip Girl you watched last week but in actuality, your leg keeps cramping and you kind of can't feel your pelvis. Skip. 

2. You're choosing your position based on how thin it makes you look. If your primary concern is whether or not you look model-thin in that position, the odds that it's actually going to be effective in getting you off are fairly slim. Plus, if you're not sleeping with someone who thinks you look sexy in all positions, thin or not, that's a bigger problem anyway. 

3. You tried a different position one time and came right away. If you have one go-to position that in theory you think should work for whatever random reasons you assigned to it ("this way, if I want to grab a water, I can!"), but it's never actually that good, and then one time you ended up in a different position to a hilarious degree of success, maybe drop your preconceived notions as to what works for you. And to that end...

4. You're not actually getting off. If you're having sex in one particular position but never really getting off in that position, or when you do, it's like climbing a clitoral Mt. Everest that involves 20 minutes of intense focus, that should be a pretty good indicator. 

5. You're trying not to mess up your hair. This goes back to no. 2 but has less to do with your body and more to do with the idea that somehow you're supposed to have really intense sex while your hair and makeup stay perfectly in place. This is not a fucking thing and you're ruining everything for yourself by aiming for it. 

6. You always let your partner pick the position. The odds that he's going to only pick positions that allow you to feel the best possible way are slim since he is not in your actual body and probably doesn't even know what those positions are. Don't leave it up to him! Flip him over and get into a position that feels amazing for you. Trust me, he'll be into it. 

7. It makes you feel disconnected from the experience. If you spend most of the time in that sex position trying to figure out a way to make your leg bend backward like your childhood Barbie doll just so you can "get it right," there's no way it's going to end in awesome orgasms. 

8. It's straight-up painful. Sex should never be painful — unless it's purposeful BDSM pleasure-pain like spanking — so if something hurts, talk to your gynecologist. Even if there's not a bigger health problem, she can recommend positions that might work better for your body (and just because one position doesn't work for you doesn't mean you're broken. It's just not your thing. No big.) 

9. You're making eye contact with someone who is not your sex partner. If you can see your neighbor Jerry through the blinds, time to make some adjustments. Also, what is Jerry even doing home? 

Source: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a44376/signs-youre-having-sex-in-the-wrong-position/

1. Safety first. There's no such thing as totally safe sex, but you sure can be safer. Make sure he's wearing a condom (even if you're on the Pill) and talk about your respective sexual histories. I know it may sound like a buzz-kill, but heterosexual women have a higher risk of contracting an STI (sexually transmitted infection) than men, so it's up to you to take a proactive interest in your sexual health.

2. Don't have too-high expectations. Sex generally improves as you get to know someone and become more comfortable with each other's bodies. So don't feel pressured to make it the best night ever, because this is just the first of many.

3. Breathe. First-time sex can be tense and nerve-wracking, not to mention painful sometimes. Taking long, deep breaths can help you relax and let go.

4. Don't forget to enjoy foreplay. All the stuff that leads up to intercourse — kissing, touching, oral sex — is part of the sexual experience; it's not just about penetration.

5. Make sure you're amply aroused before intercourse. Not only do you want to be genuinely turned on, you want to be sufficiently lubricated. If you're too dry, he'll have trouble entering you, you'll feel discomfort, and the friction can cause the condom to rip. So, keep water–based lube on hand just in case.

6. Speak up. Let him know what feels good, and what doesn't. Guys crave feedback, so don't be shy about clueing him in.

7. Don't assume he's the expert. He may be getting a lot of his information about sex from porn and the tall tales of his buddies in the locker room. And, even if he is experienced, every sexual encounter is unique. He's just as worried about pleasing you as you are about getting him off.

8. Don't expect to have an orgasm. Of course, it's great if you do. But, most women don't climax the first few times with a new guy. Orgasms come with a sense of comfort and specific knowledge of each other's bodies, and that takes time.

9. Don't fake it. If you do, you'll only be cheating yourself. Letting him know you came close and want to get there with him will keep him motivated.

10. His penis may malfunction. Guys get anxious too. Premature ejaculation and erectile difficulty are common the first time a man sleeps with someone. If he has a problem, don't make a big deal out of it or worry that there's something wrong with you or your connection. More than likely, it will work itself out.

Source: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/tips/a811/first-time-sex/